oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
reminds me of losing my job
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?