remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box