Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...