I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me