Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.