I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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