her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
