I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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