He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize