quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
