You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
