look no pants
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize