Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize