She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
