my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
