I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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