I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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