Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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