Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
