I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
