he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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