Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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