..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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