I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So vagazzling was a success
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
