well I can't set my house on fire every night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
