maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
