I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
