i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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