having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
