Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize