Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
