No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
NoShamevember. You game?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
