I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
