Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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