hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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