i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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