i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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