I wish my penis had an off switch
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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