Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
