So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
