Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
