they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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