what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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