"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
