My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
