I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
