now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
