Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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