You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
