I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
