I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
