Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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