i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
