wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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