Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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