Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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