I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
