I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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