Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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