Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
