My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
