My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
