so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
