Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
