I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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