whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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