my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
