I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
