I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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