I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
