I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
